


||Cling To Your Bones||

by deliciouslycrzy



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Major character death - Freeform, Severely Upsetting, Tragedy, Universe Alteration, jsyk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-04
Updated: 2013-08-04
Packaged: 2017-12-22 08:52:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/911290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deliciouslycrzy/pseuds/deliciouslycrzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>" And I have lost things you will /never/ understand." </p>
<p>No matter how they try to comfort her, try and tell her that at least she was still alive- it falls upon deaf ears, because she wasn't, not really. Half of her had died in Victoria Harbor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	||Cling To Your Bones||

**Author's Note:**

> This may in fact be the most tragic and heart wrenching thing I have ever written and I am terribly sorry for this, and I’ll hand in my Pacific Rim license at the door. Under the cut for Major Character Death, Death while drifitng and severe tragedy and heartbreak and angst. This was posted on my tumblr under 'You Can Always Catch Me In The Drift', but I thought this title fit much better and was like... obvious.

She had felt him go.

_They had been connected to his last moment and she had felt everything, how his heart was pounding in his chest like the drumbeat of those stupid American bands he liked so much, fast and sloppy and thoughts of ‘God Damn it Sasha go, get out of here GO’ running through his head and beating a staccato in hers, but she couldn’t just **leave** him even as the water poured into the connpod and the Kaiju loomed above them, so she’s scrambling with the cables that connect them to eachother and to Cherno but she’s not fast enough because there’s Blue on his suit and throat and  **can’t breathe pleaseSasha go can’t GO sasha sasha sasha sasha**_ [   
](http://idriselbacanbuttermyparsnips.tumblr.com/tagged/my-writing)

_**RUN** _

And that was always when the memory broke- at the moment that his eyes had rolled back into his head and everything had  _stopped._ It had been the most deafening of silences, the silence of a thousand deaths and possibilities and everything that had mattered most to her  _gone._

_His last thoughts had been of her getting to safety and that kills her every moment she keeps moving forward and he lies dead in the morgue._

She had denied it at first, with ever fiber of her being that she could, as she’d hauled him from the wrecked corpse of  _Cherno_  and onto the nearest pile of floating scrap. Leatherback was nowhere to be seen by that point, having gotten distracted with Striker Eureka, and they were okay, they had to be, because Fuck she was Sasha and he was Aleksis and they were supposed to die  _together_  or not at all, so he was just unconscious, not dead not gone not-

Fists beat against his chest and he did not wake.

She had begged and pleaded and pressed blood-red lips to his cold mouth and he did not wake.

Shaking fingers had pressed against his pulse and it was silent, not even the barest of flutters. 

Aleksis did not wake.

Could not.

And that was when she had screamed, loud and hateful and violent; it shook her to her core, and she felt like the pain was burning through her, despair and shock and grief and mind numbing  _hatred_ searing through her very soul and she screamed again and again until she was hoarse, just daring that damned Kaiju to come investigate so she could claw its eyes out with her bare hands and rip it’s heart out.

_As it had done to her._

But she had not gotten the pleasure.

Becket and Mori had gotten the honor, had ripped Leatherback to shreds and though she had thanked them for it when they returned to the Shatterdome-she silently hated them for it, and hated them for being the ones to be sent to the Breach in a final, mad and ridiculous final gasp of rebellion against the Kaiju.

It was her place to do it, to seek vengeance for the man lost, the life that had been stolen- her life and his, untold possibilities and dreams that now rested like dead weight in her heart and hole in her gut, for the man who’s grumbling laugh she’d never hear again, who wouldn’t pick her up and twirl her around like they were fumbling, giddy teenagers, who would never get the chance to see a world without the Kaiju, the man who had  _betrayed_ her and died first, who’d gone without her and who she had  _felt_ slip away in panic and fear and a frantic beat of  _ **sasha sasha sasha-**_

Gone. 

Her hands shook as she strapped on her drive suit and she stopped, digging long nails into her palms until the shuddering in her chest subsided and her eyes stopped burning.

Sasha Kaidonovsky did not cry. 

She screamed, she raged, she let the anger and guilt and grief eat her up from the inside until she was nothing but a cold and hollow shell, but she did not cry, because she knew Aleksis would always be there to kiss her and put her back together again.

She raised a hand to her face, rubbing her palm fiercely against her eyes and wiping the wetness away on her coat, hanging up behind her next to his. 

That damned bastard. 

The chest armor felt heavier than usual, but that didn’t stop her from strapping it on, slipping into the suit as easily as she’d wear anything else. There was no one to help her, but she had done up Aleksis’s enough over the years to know what to do without any assistance.

She was  _supposed_ to be grounded.

She was injured, they said. Not in her right mind, not-

But fuck that.

Sasha Kaidonovsky didn’t need anyone’s permission.

Not for this.

-/-/-

And then when they were surrounded, when the Marshall had flipped the self destruct switch and they were both waiting for the counter to run its course, when Sasha heard Miss Mori’s broken plea across the comm system and saw the look of pride and grief and sadness cross her co-pilots face, as she felt his memories of the little girl who’d once sat on Aleksis’s shoulders and played ‘Jaeger pilot’-

Her eyelids flickered shut, and just before the counter switched to one, she would have sworn-

She saw Aleksis smiling at her, saw his hand stretched out and heard him whisper, hoarse and sweet and echoing in her ear-

_I love you._

_"Aleksis."_ One last, final gasp, and then-

And then. 


End file.
